I read a phenomenal book last week, entitled The Power Of Habits: Why We Do What We Do In Life And Business, by Charles Duhigg and I wanted to share some of the wisdom laid down by the author in this book.
Every single time I have wanted to improve in an area, be it professional or personal, it has always meant getting out of my comfort zone, changing my mindset and attitude. You’ve probably come across the quote that says “if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” So any change you are trying to manifest in your life will have to involve some mental and behavioral shifts as well. Any change you are trying to manifest in your life will have to include an alteration of your habits. Habits are powerful. They are actions and mindsets that are so deeply anchored in us that we repeat them automatically without even thinking about it. For example, laziness is a habit. Thinking you’re not good enough is a habit, because you have repeated it to yourself so often that now this thought has become a part of you. Biting your nails is a habit. Gossiping is a habit. Deciding to sit down in front of your favorite TV show with a bag of potato chips when you had originally planned on going to the gym, is the habit of allowing your emotions, what you feel at any given moment rule your decision-making process instead of being determined, focused to do what you have to do no matter how you feel. Being average is a habit.
In his book, Duhigg tells the story of a man who had lost his memory in a car accident. Every morning, this man’s wife would take him on strolls in their neighborhood around their house. The doctors had told the wife never to let him walk out the door by himself because he would never be able to find his way back home. One morning, as the woman was getting ready, the man left the house and went for a walk by himself without telling his wife. When she realized the man had gone out, she panicked, stormed out of the house and looked for him everywhere. Fifteen minutes later, she comes back to their house in tears only to find her husband in front of the TV. When asked by the doctors to describe his neighborhood or his house, the man was incapable to respond. He couldn’t remember. Researchers later found that habits are so deeply anchored in the brain, that memory doesn’t even play a role in it anymore. The study showed that whenever we find ourselves in unknown situations that require us to be alert and focused, our brain works really hard. But once that activity becomes familiar, our brain settles down. So habits are formed everyday, without us even noticing. According to scientists, habits are formed because the brain constantly looks for ways to save effort. When an action becomes a habit for example parking your car in front of your home, you brain’s grey matter literally decreases because you don’t need to focus, which leaves more space for our brain to quiet or chase other thoughts like “Oh I should have worn the pink dress instead of this one.”
Duhigg goes on to explain that there are three components that make up a habit in the habit loop, which are: the cue, the routine and the reward. (For example, for someone who loves doughnut, the cue would be the sight or smell of donughts, the routine would be to eat the doughnut and the reward would be to feel satisfied.) The reason why this discovery is so important is that it shows that when habits emerge, the brain stops fully participating in decision making. It stops being focused on the task that makes up the habit and shifts focus on other tasks. When you repeat an action day after day, you slowly but surely build a habit. If that action does not serve your highest interest and wellbeing, you might want to be careful not to repeat it too often because before you know it, it will become a “bad” habit.
Now what happens if you want to change a “bad” habit, a habit that doesn’t make you happy? The author claims the easiest to do so is to keep the cue and the reward, but change the routine. For example, if you decide that you want to eat healthy but love doughnuts. The cue would be the same: sees or smells doughnuts, the routine would change: avoids eating doughnuts, and the reward would be the same: satisfaction of having done what is right to achieve your goal. If you repeat this time after time, you will form the new habit of resisting the temptation to eat a doughnut when you see one.
Another element is vital for habits to change according to the author, it is belief. You have to believe you can change, otherwise you simply won’t be able to sustain the change long enough, you will fall back to your old habits. Duhigg insists on the fact that it is not possible to stop bad habits, you have to replace them by better ones. So in changing the way you react to cues time and time again, you slowly but surely form new habits. The book is full of example from health to business and is a pure gem for anyone who wants to improve themselves, their work or their relationships.
I also want to mention a technique expressed in the book What To Say To Yourself When You Talk To Yourself by Shad Helmstetter (I talk book this book on this post) that I think can be very useful in trying to change bad habits. Which is to constantly repeat to yourself that you are the person you want to be, free of all your bad habits. Write it down every morning and every night. Record yourself saying it on your phone and listen to the audio every day. Before you know it, your brain will have formed a new belief system. That new belief system will elicit a new and improved behaviour only our part. This is a very powerful technique that goes with the idea that you have to believe you can change in order to sustain the change you want to manifest.
If you’re interested in reading The Power Of Habits, you can purchase below.
If you want to read What To Say To Yourself When You Talk To Yourself, you can purchase it below.
