A little less than ten years ago, while I was still a student in France, my University organized an event where professors from different countries were invited to teach for a few days. Students had to pick their preferred topics, attend the class, and be evaluated by the professor afterwards. Because I was so fascinated by the U.S.A, I picked the only class that was given by two American Professors. Lucky for me, I was passionate about psychology and personal development, which were the subjects of the course. As one of the Professors ran the class, he mentioned a book he said every introvert should read: “Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain. It piqued my interest. For a long time, I described myself as a shy introvert and wanted to know why was this book on ‘books for introverts to become extroverts’ so fascinating to the Professor that he would mention it to us. While I won’t say this book changed my life, I can definitely claim it provided much relief and soothing to my soul.
As a teenager, I preferred staying home or going to a café by myself to read or write. I loved shopping solo, spent long hours in my room drawing, reading, watching TV shows and I didn’t mind hibernating for a week straight whenever I was on vacation, which would drive my mom crazy. She would always encourage me to go out, meet friends and socialize which I had absolutely no interest in. I was creative and I needed time for myself to recharge after school. Since people kept advising me to socialize and I didn’t feel like it, I started thinking I was awkward. Because my natural penchant for spending my weekends alone and the absence of desire or need to constantly be surrounded by people was worrisome for my family, I began to feel like something was wrong with me. The problem is, the more you repeat something to yourself, the more you believe it, the more it becomes a part of you, the more you become everything you think you are and attract all the situations, whether good or bad, that support your belief system. There I went repeating to myself: “I’m weird”, “I’m not like everyone else”, “I’m shy”, “I wish I was extroverted”, “everybody loves extroverted people”. The more I thought this way, the more I retreated into my shell, the more meeting new people became difficult and the more I felt like an outsider.
Reading this book made me understand that I was perfectly normal, I was simply introverted, like millions of people we don’t see because the extroverted ones occupy all the space: they’re always the loudest, (arguably) the coolest, are (often) likable, comfortable in social settings, they exude self-confidence. – Don’t get me wrong, I love extroverts. As a matter of fact, throughout my life, my best friends have always been extroverts; they would add a little spice and craziness into my life, while I would provide calmness and wisdom to theirs. –
In her book, Cain brilliantly presents how extroversion became the cultural ideal, how almost everything in our society is built for extroverts, from school group works, to professional environments, to the urge to network, communicate, learn how to sell yourself, be sharp, bold, charismatic; unfortunately resulting in many introverts feeling inferior, because they often listen more than they talk, work better alone than in groups, think before they speak and aren’t the most comfortable in social gatherings. The author rightfully wonders how did society go from Culture Of Character to Culture Of Personality without noticing that we had sacrificed something meaningful along the way. But most importantly, Quiet is a passionate paean to introversion, remarkably researched, truly insightful and an indispensable read for introverts and extroverts alike, but also for parents raising introverted children. She highlights all the strengths and virtues of the listeners and the thinkers of this world, the reflective introverts. She introduces us to successful introverts such as Bill Gates, Eleanor Roosevelt, Al Gore, Gandhi and Rosa Parks. Drawing on neuroscientific research, interviews and many case studies, Cain helps introverts understand why they see the world differently and how they can excel in a world built for extroverts, she encourages solitude seekers to perceive themselves in a new light: not as wallflowers but as powerful forces to be reckoned with.
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