December has always been special for me: I grow a year older on the 29th of the month, we celebrate Christmas which I think is such a magical day, we ring in the new year and, the part that I usually get really excited about: setting goals for the year ahead.
Last year, I got the unforgettable opportunity to spend my birthday in New York City with my husband. My best friend, whom I had not seen in three years (she lives in Belgium) surprised me in New York and I got to meet her boyfriend for the first time. New York had always been a dream destination for me and longing to live the Big Apple was the sole reason why I was so determined to learn how to speak English as a young girl living in French-speaking countries (Senegal and France).
It was my first time in the City, so getting to celebrate my birthday there, getting to experience it for the first time with my husband and getting to see my bestie after all these years felt all the more surreal. I had just started monetizing my blog a couple months before and my income kept increasing month after month. Things were looking bright for me. I truly felt on top of the world and was confident about 2018 being an exceptional year of success and happiness. As usual, I penned my aspirations for the year in a journal and… the first half of 2018 was a disaster. Both personally and professionally. I felt completely uninspired, I felt like crap, I didn’t feel like my blog represented who I was as a person, I felt like a loser and by July of 2018, I had had enough.
I have always had multiple professional and personal interests at the same time, and two things had stopped me from acting upon my desires up until that point: fear, and the feeling of being overwhelmed by all the things I wanted to accomplish which led to not knowing where to start and what to do. It was a mental mess that I was determined to organize for good. I had reached the point where I couldn’t take the thought of being average anymore. I was going to be my absolute best in all departments of my life and there was not going to be any other way to navigate through life from then on.
I had heard of the book of intentions from someone I’d been following for a very long time and decided to give it a try. I wrote every single thing that I had always dreamed of trying but never did out of fear and vowed to try by the end of 2018. I listed all the professional goals I wished to reach and penned every personal aim I was hoping to attain. And I repeated this day after day. Then I created an Excel sheet and somehow tried to fit everything within a week. Every Sunday, I would look at my list and would see all the steps I had taken to reach every single one of my dreams weekly. I felt phenomenal. I was laser-focused and there was no stopping me. I was investing 1000% in myself and for the first time, I felt like every single thing I was doing was aligned with who I was and who I aspired to be, both personally and professionally.
My website was always meant to be an inspirational platform but in the beginning, I wasn’t sure how to go about it because I didn’t know of any blogger that discussed the topics I was interested in diving into and, to be honest, I wondered how to address these topics without sharing too much of my own experience. To be completely transparent, being a very private person, I was a little reluctant at the thought of revealing my story, my journey and my thoughts for the world to read. (In the early stages of launching this website, I didn’t even want to publish photos of me online or on my social media pages. I didn’t care to be “the face” of Ze Square) But I realized that if my goal was to help people, I had no choice but to get personal. Many of the valuable things I have learned, were through amazing people who shared their story. Additionally, I believed people wouldn’t be interested in reading personal development posts, or book reviews. I thought I had to stick to one topic because in Marketing, you are taught that in order to be successful you have to pick a niche and stick to it otherwise your readers/clients/followers feel lost. Except I didn’t want to choose just one niche because I have always been about finding inner peace, true freedom, happiness and helping others to do so too. And in my experience, I have found there are various routes that can lead to happiness (adopting a healthy lifestyle, traveling, reading, overcoming fears, unlearning all the behaviors our environment/society taught us and that don’t serve our happiness, etc) and I felt people needed to be exposed to all these routes and have the freedom to choose the one(s) that resonated more with them. I finally decided to go for it in August. I dedicated my website entirely to all the things that were dear to my heart, I started discussing feminism, books, personal development, fitness, nutrition, motivation, and shared my own experiences along the way. To my great surprise, I found that people loved all these posts.
As I was sitting in my sofa the other day, thinking about turning 30, the new year being right around the corner, and which goals was I going to set for 2019 like I usually do every year, I realized I actually didn’t have anything different to write than what I have been writing in my journal since September 2018. For the first time ever, I am not waiting for a new beginning (the new year, or after the summer vacations for instance) to either start a project, improve a trait of character, accomplish this or do that, because I am actually already doing all that I have to do to be happy and I must say, this provides great peace and tranquil joy to my heart as I approach the end of the year. I am not excited about turning 30 (is it that big of a deal? Is it a turning point in life?), I am not even excited about the year ahead because I have realized that what makes my heart beat and what produces butterflies in my stomach is the very act of creating things, not accomplishing, finishing them and I am not sure if you understand what I mean. I’ll try to explain it differently: The rewards for me don’t come from reaping the fruits of hard labor (money or success). The reward lies in the very act of DOING, and creating, sharing love and positive energy. That’s what sets my soul on fire. So in 2019, I plan on taking it one day at a time and making sure that my heart is full everyday. Full of life, full of energy, full of passion, full of light, and full of love.
To finish this post, I would like to share a piece of advice I have learned the hard way in 2018: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Meaning, if you place all your happiness in someone else’s hands or in the accomplishment of an endeavor, you run the risk of being really unhappy when turbulences arise. That’s why it’s important to do ALL the things that you think would make you happy. This way, if one thing doesn’t work out, you won’t feel utterly miserable; you won’t feel like your entire life is ruined.
I wish you all a fantastic year of 2019. I hope you tick every single item off your to-do list but above all, I hope you feel LIGHT-HEARTED and FREE. FREE, to be your truest, most authentic self and FREE to act upon whatever your heart desires.
With all my love,
Karina.
