The title of this post was inspired by a book I just recently finished, entitled What To Say To Yourself When You Talk To Yourself, by Shad Helmstetter. According to a study conducted when he wrote his book, 77% of people’s self-talk is negative. My jaw dropped when I read that number because I never thought about quantifying such an abstract thing but in a way, I wasn’t surprised as I know that people judge themselves constantly and I purposefully write “people”, humbly excluding myself from this group because I have worked hard enough to change that negative mentality. But I want to discuss this topic because up until my early twenties I have been apart of this group, for years I have been so hard on myself, judging myself, my life, my success or lack thereof based on what I would see on the media or based on how other people viewed me, comparing myself to other people and I know that many women experience this on a daily basis. Having been able to take control of my constant inner monologue over the years, I wanted to share 4 habits that have helped me overcome the endless internal dialogue that more often than not works against the self-talker and shift it to a positive, strong, confident and growth-oriented talk.
Negative self-talk is the reason why many people are unhappy, underestimate themselves and don’t achieve as much as they could if only they focused all their energy on the endless opportunities that life offers, instead of dwelling on the negative and being downhearted by their own perception of themselves. I remember how I would hold on to one negative thought or one comment that made me feel some type of way and would allow it to ruin an entire day, to the point where it would prevent me from focusing on really important tasks. Do you realize how much energy negative thinking drives away from your body. Can you imagine how much more life and energy you would have and how much more you would accomplish if your mind wasn’t so stuck in constantly negatively judging yourself, others and everything in between?
Here are 4 ways that have tremendously helped me overcome negative self-talk:
- Hold a gratitude journal: One thing that has saved me from negative self-talk is holding a gratitude journal for years, which completely shifted my outlook on life. I’ve already talked about it on several articles, but I will explain it again here, a gratitude journal is a notebook on which you write every morning 3 to 5 things you are grateful for and every night 3 to 5 five that happened during the day that you are grateful for.
- Identify all the negative things you think about yourself. Write them down. Then pen affirmations to counter these negative thoughts. For example:
Negative thought: “I am not ‘X,Y,Z’ enough.”
Affirmation: “I AM MORE THAN ‘X, Y, Z’.”
You’re not going to have them all listed at once, but write the ones that come to your mind and if other negative self-talk arises a couple hours, days or weeks after, simply add the thoughts/affirmations to your list. I know you’re gonna think just penning affirmations is not going to change anything and in a way, you’re right. Not the first time you write them anyway. Because in writing them, you actually mentally visualise yourself as the person you are affirming to be. And as you visualize yourself as being that person, you feel, with every fiber of your body what embodying such confidence feels like and this is the true power of this exercice. The more you do this visualisation exercise, the more your mind starts to replace the old belief by the new one and the more you start acting like the person you are affirming to be. That’s why you have to repeat this exercise day after day. Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself, you will get used to counter it with a more empowering thought. - Once you use write your affirmations, try to figure out exactly what changes do you need to make in order to fully become one with the affirmation. We always know which steps to take. Oftentimes, it is actions we are afraid of taking because they are difficult or scary, or because they bring back a feeling of worthlessness. And that’s exactly why you have to feel the fear and do it anyway. Being able to change the negative self-talk into a positive one takes action. It takes courage. It takes being determined to live a life of authenticity and happiness and refusing to be one’s own barrier.
- Stop saying negative things about yourself to other people. As a matter of fact, stop saying negative things period. Have you ever experienced telling a friend about a bad experience you had earlier in the day and the mere fact of talking about it made you relive that moment and made you feel even worse? Right. Stop saying negative things. Focus on the positive. Always.
I read a Gandhi quote one day that really stuck with me for years: “I never let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet”. How powerful is this? I hope this becomes your new mantra. Believe in yourself. Applaud yourself. Encourage yourself and clear your mind of “can’t”. You are capable of doing everything you set your mind to. And if there is something you are not particularly good at, well guess what, everything is learnable. No-one is better than you. Relentlessly work on yourself and feed your mind with thoughts that will produce healthy and loving attitudes and emotions.
Interested in reading the book? You can get it below.
